Who Wants to be a (wizarding) Millionaire?
by Admiral Albia
Summary: Chaos reigns on live TV. PG for mild language. I regret to say that I was NOT on a high when I wrote this. NOTHING LIKE MY OTHER FICS!


Story Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?   
_by_ Admiral Albia 

Yeah, the TV show/Hogwarts idea is aeons old. Yeah, chaos has reigned supreme on camera before. Yeah, you guessed, I don't care. This is just the beginning...   
And I regret to inform you all that I was NOT on a high when I dreamt this up. 

Disclaimer; the author owns no part of this fantastically moronic live performance of _Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?_ I own only one thing; the plothole. The rest belongs, alternately, to J.K. Rowling, the BBC and Chris Tarrant (at least I assume he owns himself). 

Let's play...   
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

CHRIS; Good afternoon and welcome to _Who Wants to be a Millionaire?_ I'm Chris Tarrant, and today our lucky contestants are; Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Percy Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley and Tom Riddle!   
*audience claps*   
CHRIS; Now, we're going to play fastest finger first to find our first contestant... hey! Where'd that owl come from?   
RON; Pig! *grabs at Pig but misses*   
CHRIS; Oh well, he's not doing anything so we'll let him be. Now, your Fastest Finger first question; Put these in order of how evil they are, starting with the nicest. 

A) Sirius Black   
B) Albus Dumbledore   
C)You-Know-Who   
D)Cornelius Fudge

Your time starts... now.   
*Pig is still flying around insanely. He lands on `Tom Riddle's` keypad and starts to tap-dance on it.*   
CHRIS; Time's up! And the winner is... Tom Riddle!   
MAD-EYE MOODY (FROM AUDIENCE); I'll get you yet, Voldemort!   
EVERYONE EXCEPT MOODY AND VOLDIE; _AHHH! IT'S HIM!_   
*Voldie grabs Harry from the audience*   
VOLDIE; Can I have a paper napkin?   
*Everyone laughs*   
VOLDIE; What? Darn you, wormtail, you've got my cue cards mixed up! Ah, thank you. Stop right there or somebody dies!   
CHRIS; For one hundred Galleons, who should Voldemort kill? 

A)Harry   
B)Moody   
C)Himself   
D)Chris

CHRIS; Hey!   
VOLDIE; *face screwed up in concentration* I... er... um...   
CHRIS; You can use your lifelines...   
VOLDIE; Can I `phone a friend?   
*Wormtail is on the line*   
VOLDIE; Wormtail? Should I kill Harry, Moody, Myself or Chris?   
WORMTAIL; Who's CHRIS?   
VOLDIE; Thanks Wormtail! The answer's CHRIS!"   
CHRIS; Correct!   
VOLDIE; Avada Kedavra! *Chris drops dead*   
*Plothole opens and Sirius bounds onstage*   
SIRIUS; Whoops, Chris has copped it so I'll have to take over.   
AUDIENCE; AHHH! Two murderers on stage! AHHH!   
MOODY; I'll get you yet, Sirius Black!   
SIRIUS; For two hundred Galleons... who will Sirius Black kill? Chris was right, you know, this isn't fair. Anyway... 

A)Harry   
B)Voldemort   
C)Snape   
D)Everyone

VOLDIE; Er... Harry?   
SIRIUS; Why Harry?"   
VOLDIE; I don't like him. *Harry bursts into tears*   
SIRIUS; Is that your final answer?   
VOLDIE; Yes.   
SIRIUS; Oh, I'm _sorry_, you just lost two hundred Galleons! The answer was (B), Voldemort! Avada Kedavra!   
*Voldie drops dead*   
*Audience cheers*   
*Plothole opens and cornelius Fudge steps through*   
SIRIUS; What the f*ck are _you_ doing here?   
FUDGE; Gathering up the dead.   
SIRIUS; What about me?   
FUDGE; Hm? Oh. It's live TV, so we'll arrest you after the show.   
*Sirius' mouth drops open. He turns away from the camera, but can still be heard muttering things about justice today. He turns back to Fudge.*   
SIRIUS; What am I supposed to do?   
FUDGE (irritably); Carry on with the show!   
SIRIUS; I don't have a contestant!   
*A mysterious person steps out of the wings*   
MYSTERIOUS PERSON; We prepared for this. There's a back-up contestant.   
SIRIUS; Bring `im on!   
*Remus walks on stage*   
*Remus looks at Sirius*   
REMUS; Oh, shit.   
SIRIUS; What?   
REMUS; You're my `phone-a-friend`...   
MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE; It's a conspiracy!   
MOODY; I'll get you yet, Remus Lupin! 

... 

/\/\/  
A/n; Yes, I am aware that this could easily carry on. However, I do not feel like continuing it. Maybe if people like it...   
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